--Don't toss Listerine back like a tequila shot.
--Automatic cars keep rolling after you get out if you forget to put them into park.
--Always keep poison ivy gel (not creme) in the medicine cabinet.
--If you have spent more than a half hour trying to untangle a knot, you should probably just cut the %*&^% thing out. Even if it's in your hair. 'Cause that's what's ultimately going to happen anyway.
--Satellite TV goes out every time a cloud passes over the sky, or the wind blows. It pains me to tell you this because I am no fan of cable, believe me.
--Unbutton a few blouse buttons when you go to meet with Town officials.
--Knitting is easier to hide in your desk trash can at work than spindle spinning.
--If it makes the emaciated model look like a normal-sized person, it will probably make you look fat.
wait for it...
--You can't read and knit lace at the same time.
I know, I know. But the pattern is so easy! (Notice how the patterns get easier with every shawl?) Every time I pick it up I think to myself, well, surely I could read while I do this. It's just knitting, with a few yarnovers. And then the next evening I discover the hideous errors, and instead of spending two hours knitting, I spend two hours ripping. See the two holes near the center? I sure do. Hope I can block them out.
It's official, I am a dumbass.
In case "Automatic cars keep rolling after you get out if you forget to put them into park" left any doubt in your mind.
(I actually had to put a sticky note on the steering wheel of my last car that said "PARK" on it in big red letters, after my car rolled out of my driveway and into the street without me. Luckily the door was open and I could hop in and hit the brake before any damage was done. This is why I drive a standard.)